Soulshine

The rain is coming down like tears from heaven. God is tearful over everything that is broken in the world. At least that is the way that I choose to ponder the day.

I am sitting in front of the computer in the red room of our home. There are 13 windows in this room and I am looking at the extremely high tide that is covering the marsh. This is not water front property, but you can see down the street passed the 3 homes that separate the house from the marsh.

The rain lightened up just enough to take Goddess for a walk. She loves mud puddles more than she loves most things and dances through each and every one, occasionally sticking her head into it and lapping water as she walks. She will then turn her head towards me and I swear this dog can smile. She is laying at my feet while I listen to the Allman Brothers, type, and stare at the ocean covering the marsh.

These are special times on Tybee. When the tides are high they remind us that the ocean can pretty much take over the island anytime that it wants. Right now, it is up to the road on the back river and only the tallest of the sea oats remain above it.

I was standing there marveling at its majesty when Goddess spies an egret. Goddess believes that she can catch anything, be it squirrels or egrets. She never does though but she never stops trying.

So as I stand there contemplating the marsh and the ocean and being lost at sea and a light rain falls on my face, Goddess takes off after the egret and almost pulls my arm out of its socket. I cuss and pull back but she is so strong that she drags me along after the bird which is now flying over the marsh.

I love this dog. She never stops trying in spite of impossible odds or in spite of repeated failure.

That is how I am feeling today. Nothing else to do except try again. Make this house a home for when we need it. Fill it with good things so that when people come they enjoy it. And there are many who love this place. It is a place that can renourish the soul and over the years a lot of people have come here for that.

And it reminds me that today, I've got to let my soul shine. It's better than sunshine. It's better than moonshine. It's damn sure better than rain.

Whole Lotta Holes

I gotta a whole lot of holes in my life. So goes a song by Kathy Mettea.

Holes in my jeans. Holes filled with gold in my teeth. A hole in my chest where my heart used to be. There are a lot of ways that our lives have holes in them.

This has certainly been quite the week. Julie left to go back to Atlanta on Sunday and I was not ready for her to return. I leave for Washington DC on Monday and have a world wind trip through the Capitol and the agencies. Yesterday the Board of Directors met and we celebrated how far Union Mission has come in a years time. Herb McKenize stood and gave a speech about me that would make an excellent obituary. It left me humbled and tearful.

Then I stood to review the performance outcomes from last year. They are impressive.

Over 6,500 patients obtained health care from the J. C. Lewis Health Center.

More than 4,000 received treatment and counseling from Parent & Child.

Over 400 people ended homelessness in 2009.

Over 300 were placed in full time jobs and move from Union Mission's housing programs into their own.

Local tax payers saved over $13 Million because of these results.

I was talking to my mother last night and we were discussing the costs of this work. Everything has a cost. Attacking work and life the way that I do helps achieve some impressive things that help a lot of people, but there are costs.

Yesterday, I also received an email from someone I work with. "You OK? I can tell by your netbook emails that you do not sound like yourself...just remember we all need and love you..."

But today, I am thinking about the costs of always being there trying to empty an ocean of need that never seems to get smaller. I am thinking about the holes. In the work. In me. I gotta a whole Lotta holes in my life.

The Trouble with Normal

I stumbled into the door marked "Exit Only" and Nick, who is sitting at the counter doing the crossword puzzle before he has to cook, yells out. "Morning Micheal! How was Washington?"

I made my way to the other side of the counter and pour myself a cup of the "cook's coffee" which is strong enough to be used as fuel in jet planes. As I do so, Val walks from the wash room and pecks me on the cheek. "Welcome back," she says and keeps walking.

Returning to my usual seat at the counter, Justin flips me the finger and Franklin makes a rush for my newspaper so that he can see where Savannah's newest strip club is located.

Jodee, the owner and my friend, walks over and lays a cookie that he has baked beside my coffee cup. "Here," he says as he munches on one, "these are good." Then he tells me that he is off today and is heading home.

It is a normal morning at the Breakfast Club. Johnny O breezes in and sits near me and is soon followed by Whitley. New comer David is the last to wander in before the place opens.

I am in sore need of some normalcy right now and these feels good though I am a bit off kilter and can't force myself to be ... normal?

Yesterday when our plane landed in Savannah, Herb McKenzie and I sat and waited on the people closer to the front of the plane to collect their things and make there way off so that we could grab our things and follow suit. I was lost in thought and not paying attention to things, when I heard Herb say, "Yes, that's him."

Looking up, the couple in the seats directly in front of us were twisted in their seats and looking at me.

"Micheal Elliott?" a lady with cropped gray hair asks me.

I nod and she shakes my hand. "We are David's parents. Thank you. You helped us so much with him."

Her husband, a very tall man with grat hair stands and turns to face me. "Yes thank you," he says.

I have no idea who David is. As they make there way off of the plane, I tell Herb this. I seem to only remember a handful of the thousands who are helped by Union Mission every year. The episode contributes to me being slightly off kilter.

I take my run on the beach and as I am making my way towards the ocean, Johnny O's car pulls upbeside me and his window slides down. "You holding it together?" he ask in a cloud of cigar smoke.

I shrug my shoulders and continue my run. Afterwards, Goddess is playful and another dog has gone stray and keeps following us so I literally have to drag her on the entire walk. Back home she flops on the floor with a thud and a loud sigh.

So everything seems normal around me. Everything except me.

Deserving Home

Snow and bad weather is on the way to Washington D. C. so I am very glad that we are leaving this morning. I hate cold! Snow is fine for brief visits but I wouldn't want to stay with it for very long. I did my snow time in Louisville and watched homeless people freeze, sometimes to death.

Coupled with the fact that I am truly a beach bum, don't like to wear a lot of clothes, enjoy sunshine and walks on the beach and swims in the ocean and girls in bikinis and ... well, you get my point.

I have friends who love cold and snow. Bill Berry and I have been dear friends forever. Whenever it snows, he loses his mind and runs outside to roll around in it and stupid stuff like that. He likes to ski across it. I suppose he still builds snowmen. His kids post pictures of it on Face Book and his smiling face standing there in the snow conveys the message that he loves it. While I love him dearly I have always thought that he is a little off.

Anyway, we are leaving Washington where we have been for two days heading for home. Most of the time that I am here I am alone but I have enjoyed having Herb and Lauren with me. Herb makes me do things that I would never do here, like getting a shoe shine at the senate shoe shine stand at the Capitol. I've never done D.C. like this.

Lauren is focused and is learning this side of the work so we have been able to have a lot of good conversations about it and about a lot of other stuff.

We also met new friends here and were taken care of in D.C. like I have never been taken care of before. Bob Hurt, Carol Holladay and Jane Terry have been gracious hosts and I have learned a lot from them while I have been here and look forward to working with them over the next several months.

But I am ready to return to the clump of sand that is Tybee Island. I miss the smell of the marsh and the salt in the air. I want to take Goddess for walks and to wrestle with her in the living room floor. I'm jonesing for the Breakfast Club and to see my friend Johnny O break the law as soon as he joins me for coffee. I miss the love that make a house a home.

So this has been a good trip in spite of the misplaced heart when I arrived. I am hopeful and optimistic about the good things that I think will come about as a result of this trip. But it is time for a shot of home. I miss my home. Everybody deserves one. That is why I do what I do.

Sharing my misplaced heart with strangers

Dinner last night was at Finemondo's, a very elegant Italian place near the Capitol. Herb McKenzie, former Board Chairman of Union Mission, Lauren Milmine and I were being hosted by Robert Hurt, of Hurt, Noton & Associates, Inc. They are a very successful lobbying firm and we were introduced by our friends in Chatham County government.

Over dinner, Herb explained the reason that we are here. We are looking for funds so that Union Mission can complete its stabilization and expand what it does for the folks back home. The uninsured, under-insured, homeless, sick, unemployed and those who have nowhere else to turn.

Bob and his folks listened intently then peppered us with questions about our story. Near the end, Bob looked at me and said, "That's quite the blog! So you really don't want to be here."

I was taken aback. It is true yesterday I wrote about my heart really isn't in this trip. It is misplaced and I seem to be having a difficult time finding my rhythm. I know that a lot of people read by blog and many of my friends comment about it every day on my Face Book page. But I was meeting these folks for the first time and they had arranged this trip on our behalf and there I am claiming that I have arrived with a misplaced heart.

Well, at least we got off to an honest start.

In a little while, Carol Holladay will arrive to pick us up and take us to their offices for a final briefing. Then we are off to the Capitol to meet with our Senators and Congressional staffs. Then it is to the Departments of Health & Human Services, Labor and H.U.D. It will be a packed day.

Hopefully we will achieve some success. So I suppose that I should fill the hole in my chest with determination where my heart should be and get on with it. There are so many desperate and hurting people who need us to be successful. Sometimes you just have to do the things that you have to do. So lets get on with it shall we?

Misplaced Hearts

I am off to Washington D. C. today with Board member Herb McKenzie and Laurent Milmine who is Union Mission’s Director of Public Policy/Development. We are going because of some supporters of Union Mission put us in touch with their lobbyists to secure stimulus funding designated for them which they think that Union Mission should have instead.

I love D. C. and go there several times each year. The White House, the Capitol, the Smithsonian, the Mall, and the City itself are inspiring. I have been to the National Cathedral, the Library of Congress (for the first faith-based summit), the Church of the Savior, the National Alliance to End Homelessness, and the offices of Sojourner Magazine Community.

Once, Julie and I took a night time walk to the Lincoln Memorial on a hot summer night. We sweated and walked and thought that we would never get back to our hotel. We caught a cab the last four blocks. That was fun.

But I am not excited about this trip.

My heart is not in it. My heart is elsewhere. It is misplaced right now.

Still, you have to do the stuff that you are supposed to do, right? Regardless of whether or not you are in the mood for it! You get up, dust yourself off, and start again.

So, this morning, after a sleepless night, I dragged myself out of bed, showered the dust away, and here I am at the airport waiting to take off to visit some of our nation’s elected people, which is not the same as visiting leaders. Some are. Most are not. Most were simply fortunate enough to get elected.

Still, it is part of the work. Over the holidays, Skip Eloge our CFO and I were talking at some point. I was doing something for the 21st time in my 21 years at Union Mission and was working hard to pump myself up to do it.

He asked, “Is it was always this hard?”

In the early days … well no!

Anytime that you do things for the first time or two they are fun!

Somewhere around the 10th time, they become routine.

When you get to the 20th, it takes work. This could be attending the same event, playing the same game, making love to your significant other, or running the same course. Twenty years of marriage takes work. Twenty years in the same position doing the same thing takes work.

So today, I am working hard. Especially hard! Because my heart is not in it! But the work is worth it. People who are suffering need me to succeed. Union Mission needs help because we do so many things for so many all of the time. So even though I am mentally and emotionally not really here, I am doing my best.

But that is what you do when your heart is misplaced.

You keep at it and pray like hell that eventually your heart catches up.

Some Great People!

Yesterday when I was writing the blog, Terry Cassidy leaned over and said, "Write about how great I am." I had more important stuff to write about yesterday so I didn't.

Yesterday was an intense day that lasted from early in the morning until late into the night as we poured over every aspect of Union Mission's work last year. What was accomplished? What wasn't achieved and why? Continuously asking ourselves how we can do things better?

This morning, we will gather again and work on the future. We begin with a review of a new strategic plan. Then we attack five problems that were identified yesterday and will try to determine plans to minimize or eliminate them all together.

If you are lucky, you get to work with people that you like. This is a good group of people who oversee all of the things that Union Mission does. They are passionate, smart, committed and talented. They are also quirky, stubborn, and temperamental. And I suppose that it takes some combination of all of these traits to last in a business where the stakes involve succeeding or failing. Managing steps forward and helping people get up again when they fall. Living or dying.

The economics of it all is mind boggling and we are still realizing the impact that our work has on our community. For example, last year Union Mission saved tax payers over $10 Million. The big business world of homelessness.

I am mindful this morning as we prepare to spend another day trying to make ourselves do better. It happens because of the people who do it and I am thankful for this collection who are working so hard on behalf of so many.

People like the great Terry Cassidy! Among others.