Discovering Me

The sun blazed upon the surface of the calm ocean establishing its dominance over the sea and creating a glare so strong that I could not look directly at it. "Staring at the sun, blazing like the eye of God" is how Bruce Cockburn describes it.

It is low tide and the wind is coming out of the west. The only waves are far in the distance, washing over the sandbars in the mouth of the back river. The heavy breeze tries to blow them back to sea but they persist, one after the other, attacking the wind. The sand is flat and gray. I watch one foot go in front of the other as I make my morning run. I see the erosion that as taken place. Tybee spend $7 Million to re-nourish the beach last year and the ocean has already reclaimed $2 Million of it.

Most every morning I have this time. It is my time. I run the beach and intensely observe the daily changes. It is sculpted and molded every day and I feel privileged to see the act of creation taking place.

For the past two decades this has been my alone time, when I could do something good just for me, listen to my music and touch one of my holy places which is the ocean. Throughout the ups and downs of my life the beach has been my constant, though now I know that it is ever changing just like I am.

I am spending more time alone these days so there is more time to think and reflect than the one hour run that has been my only real alone time for so long. I'm beginning to either learn new things about myself or affirm aspects of me that I already knew.

I am a morning person. I love the newness of the day, the rising of the sun, the dew on the grass, the chance to start over every day. I think better in the mornings, write better, observe better, laugh better, and probably love better. Conversely, I am not my best at night. I grow weary, forgetful, and my thoughts are jumbled. Many get frustrated with me because of this, but I've finally accepted that it is who I am.

I am an ocean person and an island guy. I never mind taking Goddess for a walk because at the end of our street is the march and I linger over the smell, especially in the summer at low tide, when "the smell of the marsh is like sweet sex in the tropics" according to Marshall Chapman. I think that she is right. The pup and I turn left at the marsh and follow it to back river and I never grow tired of that view. Often we walk to the end of my friend Shirley's dock and sit and enjoy being in the middle it all. I've never been weary of it.

I am a passionate person about what I do. Not too long ago I was at lunch with a Judge who suddenly threw out, "Well, your creditability has been questioned in this community."

"My creditability?" I asked grabbing her hand and looking her dead in the eyes, "Let me tell you about my creditability. I'm still here after all of these years. In spite of everything that has happened I'm still doing it. That's my creditability!"

I love my friends and do my best to enjoy them, help them when I can, and stay away from them when I should. In the middle of writing this, my friend Johnny O (a Tybee Legend) called to tell me about the latest news in Naples, Florida which he thought I should immediately know. Of course, this is after yesterday when I sent his wife the registration link for the nude bowling tournament in Georgia.

Every morning I start with a kiss on Julie's forehead while she sleeps, a hug of the pup, then I am off to my friends at the Breakfast Club. We slide into each day together. And most of the slides involve laughter and there is no better way to start a day.

I often tell Julie that life is a journey. We are all on one, ultimately looking for ourselves, I think. Before we can really love anyone else, we must first discover who we really are as individuals and learn to love ourselves for who we are. Nothing more. Nothing less. In my work, I see so many people who have never learned how to love themselves and they take it out on everyone else. The results are pain and destruction.

The first step to loving our lives, I believe is to learn how to love ourselves. Discovering me is the first step for each of us. Then it is like my morning run, watching one foot go in front of the other, again and again and again.