Breath In, Breath Out, Move On

In my office is one of my most prized and cherished possessions. It is a gift from my friend Terry Ball, a watch that doesn't have any hands or moving parts. The face is white and painted across it in black letters is the word "Now". It originates from a Jimmy Buffett song that we share.

According to my watch the time is now
the past is dead and gone
Don't try to explain just bow your head
breath in, breath out, move on

And I have moved on.

For much of the last several months, breathing was sometimes difficult. I sucked wind for much of it and was precious little use to those around me. But people did miraculous things at just the right time when breathing seemed damned near impossible. If I ever doubted that miracles can happen, I believe again. People are capable of them every day.

And dogs are too. Goddess has licked tears from my face and made me laugh when laughing was the very last thing that I thought that I could do. She's even blocked the door and prevented me from going out one night. The bitch somehow knew that I needed to stay home and brush her and roll around in the floor with her. And I love her as much as I love anything for it.

And God can too. Sunrises or cloudy days appeared at just the right time. As did heart shaped sponges on the beach or a double rainbow over the ocean that I could reach out and almost touch. Or the birds that are sent to sing me awake in the morning, even on those nights when I barely slept because I watched the ceiling fan go round and round and round.

But that was then. I have moved on.

When the hurricane blew the love out of this house it left a lot of empty spaces. My Mom filled most of them for me as I was incapable of doing so at the time. She filled all except one. In the red room that I write and where Goddess lays her head on my foot, there was a large painting of flowers that hung. Mom missed replacing it and the empty space has hung there reminding me of what was in the past.

Until last night. My daughter Chelsea is quite the artist and showed up with paintings for tonight's Starfish Gala. But she had one just for me. It is a silhouette of palm trees surrounding a beach house and in the background is a firey red sky and the hints of the rising sun, which is one of the most holy things that I am blessed to witness with regularity. We filled the last empty space together.

And I am reborn and alive. I cherish my friends like I never have before. I love what is around me in deeper and richer ways. And I believe in serendipity and wait on it to reveal itself to me.

And there is no going back. According to my watch the time is now. The past is dead and gone. And I bow my head and thank God for the now. And I breath in. And I breath out. And I continue moving on.