My Inventory of Sins

I never made it to Chicago yesterday as nobody was in control of air traffic in Atlanta. Though I'm fairly certain that no one is in control of much anything in Atlanta. Or Washington. Anyway my plane kept getting delayed and after several hours it became apparent that I would arrive long after the Board meeting of the International Street Medicine Institute had began. So I informed Delta that they were not ready when I was and flew back to Savannah.

And in the late afternoon, I found myself with the twin gifts of time and solitude sitting on the back deck. I was surrounded by a multitude of colorful flowers that are promises of growth and love.

Then out of nowhere, came an inventory of my sins. It is a larger list than I care to admit but I spent time reviewing each and every one. It is hard to do but if we are going to grow as individuals we have to understand the mistakes and bad things that we have done. I'm still trying to grow.

It was most painful to understand that sins lead to hurting other people and mine certainly did. And they hurt me too. In each and every case, I resolved to not repeat it and to learn from it and to move on. In each instance, I woke up the next morning resolved to make amends and atone for them. For the most part I think that I did.

During all of the trauma of the past few years in my life, I saw that I was in a bad place and didn't understand it. I think you have to finally be well before you can understand how sick you were. And as I reviewed my sins, especially the last few years, I understand how bad of a place I was in. I can see that now.

After reviewing the inventory, I said prayers to the stars asking for forgiveness and for those whom I have hurt to find happiness and fulfillment. Life is too short too not spend our energy reaching out for happiness and fulfillment. And trying to help others do so when you have the opportunity.

This morning, I ran and sweated out the sins I committed yesterday. Then I baptised myself in the holy water of the outdoor shower. Then I watered the growing promises on the back deck. Now I embrace this day knowing that I will heal just a little bit more. And I hope that those I have hurt heal too.