Hurt

"You've lost weight," she told me.

"Yep."

"Which diet did you go on?"

"That would be the weight loss strategy that Julie left me."

"Well," she replied not knowing what to make of my explaination, "you look good."

"Thanks," I said as I strolled away.

It is true that my diet is much reduced. Many days I have to remind myself to eat. Or Chelsea will call me or Keller will to make certain that I am. My Mom told me that there is nothing in the house as far as food goes and I suppose that she's right.

I've also become nocturnal for the first time in my life. I still go to bed early but around 1:30 I'm listening to Goddess snore while she sleep on the floor as close to the bed as she can manage. And who knew that I can literally spend three hours watching the ceiling fan go round and around?

And I've noticed that I can literally feel myself losing weight. There is hunger in my stomach that feels like loss nibbling away my fat. Loneliness abounds.

After June Carter died, Johnny Cash had a hard time going on. He rallied to make some of his finest recordings during these final lonely years. And his recording of "Hurt" keeps playing over in my head.

I wear this croww of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

And Goddess continues to snore, and the loss nibbles away my fat, and the ceiling fan goes round and around.